just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You dont lie about slip and slides
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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