I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
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Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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