I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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