I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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