Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize