Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
