I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
