I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
