Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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