i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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