Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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