I'm so fucking centered right now
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
