Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
