Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
