To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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