I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
