I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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