Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
