You're my little dorito
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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