Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
