I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
