Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
