So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
