Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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