Acid is not a monday night drug
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
