Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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