Who wears a wallet chain?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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