seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
