My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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