I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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