ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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