Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
