i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
