I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
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