please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
