So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
