just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
