have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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