cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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