He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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