I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I will be naked everywhere
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
