Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
