I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
