did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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