Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I cockslap morals
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
