One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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