Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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