So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
only you would photoshop your dick
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
