we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
