You just made me feel so damn special
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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