i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
