Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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