i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
