Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
