At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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